I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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