Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize