Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
