what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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