Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
