i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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