She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
