11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
