Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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