A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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