The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
