I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
