I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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