I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize