Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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