My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Screwed.edu
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize