ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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