maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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