She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
