i already hear my dad disowning me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
