i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
two words: eviction party
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
