i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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