He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
