Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize