just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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