Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
