About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
