My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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