Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
