Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
