I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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