Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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