It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize