3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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