how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
