i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
