i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
