I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
