So drunk its hurt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
