is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
