College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
