I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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