There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize