Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
