Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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