i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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