Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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