There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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