...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize