1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
