her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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