I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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