Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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