I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
