genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
