His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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