I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
