he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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