so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
