she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
