I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
