This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
