hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
