He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
