Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
