If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
