My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
