She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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