OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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