??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
