Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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