Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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