question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
