I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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