Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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