"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
