Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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