We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I die, sorry about rent.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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