I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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