Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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