God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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